


reality is a dream (dreams are reality)

by taeuju



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cute, Fluff, M/M, also dont know how physical therapy works so sorry about that too, ballet dancer renjun, idk how ballet works so sorry bout that lol, jaemin is like... so enamored w renjun cuz who isnt lmao, soccer player jaemin, this is just fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 02:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14178348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeuju/pseuds/taeuju
Summary: in which jaemin spends his free time after physical therapy watching renjun practice his ballet dancing until he finally plucks up the courage to talk to him





	reality is a dream (dreams are reality)

**Author's Note:**

> some things...  
> \- idk how ballet or physical therapy works so like... sorry if i mess stuff up. i tried to look up what i needed but some parts i just took Creative Liberty lol so use that suspension of disbelief u learn about in english class pls and thank u :*  
> \- theyre both in their senior year of high school but go to different schools  
> \- theres probably some mistakes but uhhhh idc  
> \- dont @ me about the way i spaced it out ("beginning I" "middle I", etc.) cuz idek why i did that lol  
> \- enjoy lol <3

**_BEGINNING I_ **

he feels the surge of pain throughout his entire body, starting in the middle of his back and quickly spreading like wildfire. even down to the tips of his fingers he feels it burning and screaming at him. then he hears the shouts, the yelling and feels the hands on his body trying to help him but only making it worse. 

“jaemin!” he hears someone shout, his coach probably. but he’s in so much pain he can barely tell to be sure enough. “jaemin, are you all right? god, are you ok?!” 

he tries to speak, to nod, to do  _ anything _ , but it doesn’t work. it's like there’s a major disconnect somewhere in his brain that’s not letting him do anything except lay there in pain. 

eventually, he’s helped to the hospital with his parents and coach there almost every step of the way. but it's all foggy through the hurt. he’s sure he passed out at one point. and when he wakes up finally, laying in a hospital bed with those machines beeping all around him, he spots his parents slumped in a chair together, sleeping and waiting for him to wake up and tell them he’s ok. 

“mom,” jaemin tries, voice raw and scratchy. “mom, i’m awake.” 

she always was a light sleeper and jaemin watches her eyes open slowly and then all at once as she remembers where she’s at and what’s happened. she shoves her husband awake as she gets up and rushes over to jaemin. 

“oh, sweetie,” she grabs his hand and kisses his knuckles. jaemin smiles. “we’re so glad you’re ok. you have no idea how worried we’ve been, your dad thought he was going to die.” 

jaemin laughs at that, knowing full well how dramatic his dad gets sometimes, especially when he’s worried. 

“how are you, though? do you hurt anywhere right now?” his dad asks on the other side of jaemin’s bed. 

jaemin swallows and tries to assess how he’s feeling. and really, he can’t feel all that much. there’s a slight aching kind of pain all over his body that feels a bit ominous if he’s being honest, like if he moves one inch all the pain will come rushing back to him all over again. but other than that he feels fine. just tired. so he tells them that.

“ok, good. that’s good.” his mom says, smiling down at him. 

“did i have to have, like, surgery or something?” he asks. “i kinda feel like how i’d expect to feel after surgery i guess.” 

his dad nods and explains that he was rushed here after the accident at his game and did in fact have to have some surgery done on his back. it wasn’t major, but it had to be done so that nothing detrimental would happen to his spine. 

“you’ll have to go to physical therapy for a while, though,” his mom tells him. “and you can’t continue playing soccer until that’s all over with.” 

that statement would have absolutely crushed jaemin if the game he was injured in wasn’t the last game of the season and he hadn’t already been scouted by and accepted into a good college. 

“well,” he tries to be optimistic, tries to think on the bright side of bumps in his life like this. “that won’t be so bad, maybe something good will come out of it all besides my back healing.”

his parents grin down at him. 

“have you ever been pessimistic in your life, kid?” his dad asks, chuckling. 

jaemin grins up at him, matching smile and straight white teeth. “never.” 

  
  


**_BEGINNING II_ **

_ “i did some tarot reading this morning and it looks like you’re going to meet the love of your life today,”  _ donghyuck tells jaemin through the phone, his voice excited and rushed. jaemin rolls his eyes as he parks his car and gets out.  _ “isn’t that exciting, jaemin? you’ll be able to tell everyone the story about how your  _ best friend  _ donghyuck got you two together at your wedding years from now!”  _

“i’m not meeting the love of my life today,” talking to donghyuck feels like talking to an overexcited child sometimes. jaemin opens the door to the physical therapy office he has to go to for his back and walks inside. “but if i do, it won’t be because your stupid tarot cards said so.” 

if donghyuck says anything back, jaemin doesn’t hear him because he puts his phone inside his jacket pocket as he checks in with the receptionist. she smiles at him and her teeth match the clean, dazzling white of everything else in this waiting room. he tells her thank you before going to sit down and wait. 

_ “–and he was literally about to murder me i think.” _ donghyuck says, and jaemin doesn’t even try to pretend he was listening. 

“wow.” 

_ “you weren’t listening, were you?”  _

jaemin chuckles as he picks at a thread on the chair he’s sitting on. “nope.” 

_ “fuck you, i’m such a good friend and you can’t even be nice to me. you’re never allowed to come to my house and swim in my pool ever again.”  _

jaemin purses his lips as he laughs and looks out of the glass doors beside him. he can see the busy city street, the people walking their dogs and rushing to wherever they need to be. 

but a building across the street catches his eye. it's a ballet studio from what he can tell by the french words and the pretty painting of ballet slippers on the front. there’s a class going right now, and it's filled to the brim with students dancing on the tips of their toes with their legs pulled as straight as can be. he watches one student in particular, a boy with brown hair, leap into the air and twist and turn, making it look like it's as easy as breathing. 

jaemin thinks someone who can do all of that has to be stronger than him. 

but he’s swept out of his thoughts by the sound of the receptionist calling his name. 

“donghyuck, i have to go. i’ll come over tonight if i can, though.” 

his friend huffs.  _ “don’t bother. i’m inviting jeno over, or chenle, and maybe even jisung.”  _

“please, you hate jisung.” 

_ “well i have to make do with what i have since my  _ ex- _ best friend isn’t allowed to come over anymore and my boyfriend is in college.” _

chuckling, jaemin says a quick goodbye and see you later to donghyuck before ending the call and going into the doctor’s office. 

he thinks about pointed toes and graceful leaps the entire time. 

  
  


**_MIDDLE I_ **

after the first full week of coming to physical therapy, jaemin got into the routine of it quickly and effectively. he wakes up, goes to school, comes home and does his homework, and then he leaves for therapy. afterwards, he sometimes goes to donghyuck’s house and hangs out with him and some of their other friends like mark, jisung, and chenle. 

and the therapy itself isn’t even horrible because he actually likes the way he can feel himself returning to normal and getting back on track to play soccer again.

but the weirdest part of it all is that none of those things are his favorite part of coming to therapy. his favorite part is sitting in the waiting room and watching the ballet studio across the street. 

there’s a specific student in the class jaemin watches sometimes, not being able to help the way he’s magnetically drawn to the graceful way the student’s body moves, and that’s the highlight of his day. being able to watch this student feels like a privilege to jaemin, it feels like he’s watching something be  _ created  _ or  _ perfected _ . the way the student moves is breathtaking and he definitely stands out from the rest of the class. 

and every time jaemin’s name is called and he has to leave he just doesn’t want to. he wants to wait there and keep watching until the class is over and the boy has to go home. jaemin wonders if the boy is as graceful and as beautiful in his daily life as he is when he’s dancing. probably. but jaemin will never know. 

 

“sorry, sweetheart but it looks like you’ll have to wait a little longer today.” the receptionist tells jaemin one day. apparently the doctor had to come in late today and so all of his appointments have had to be pushed back at least an hour. 

jaemin thinks that’s fine, now he can watch the ballet studio longer. 

but what he doesn’t expect is that after his appointment finally ends, the class is over as well. usually it’s still going by the time he’s done and leaving, so when he walks out of the doctor’s office and onto the street, he’s a bit shocked at the sight of the boy his eyes are always drawn to practicing alone inside the studio. 

the boy is small, jaemin can just tell from looking at him, but when he dances it seems as if he takes up the entire room, leaving nothing for anyone else. he demands to be watched and applauded. 

not caring if he seems like a freak or if he’s getting a bit too obsessed, jaemin sends donghyuck a text saying he can’t come over tonight and another text to his parents saying he’s going to be home later than usual. he slides onto a bench on the sidewalk and sits there, watching the boy dance like he was made for it. 

  
  


**_MIDDLE II_ **

_ “you’re either ignoring me because you hate me or my tarot cards were right and you  _ did  _ meet the love of your life and now you’re spending every minute with him.” _

jaemin sighs, again feeling like he’s talking to an over excited little kid whenever he speaks to donghyuck. 

__“_ hey, don’t sigh. just tell me what’s up because i kinda hate hanging out with jisung everyday and i want you back.” _

jaemin switches his phone to his other ear as he sits on the bench he’s dubbed as his own since he’s been sitting here for the past week, watching ballet boy practice. he has a quick internal debate with himself on whether or not he should tell donghyuck what he’s doing, but he’s scared donghyuck will point out how weird and creepy it is and he’ll be forced through morally correct peer pressure to stop. 

he only sighs again.

_ “so, since you forgot how to use your words like an idiot, i’m just going to go with my tarot cards being right.”  _

“fine,” jaemin watches the boy watch himself in the mirror with intense eyes and perfect posture as he tries to explain. “i… i didn’t meet the love of my life or anything so your tarot cards definitely still are bullshit, but i’m kinda, like, i don’t know… watching someone practice ballet everyday after physical therapy ends?” 

there’s only silence on donghyuck’s end of the line, which scared jaemin a bit more than he’d like to ever admit. 

but then donghyuck bursts into laughter.  _ “you  _ did  _ too meet the love of your life then! this is so funny, jaemin, you have no idea.” _

jaemin’s cheeks burn. “he’s not the love of my life.” 

_ “you’re spending your nights watching some guy practice ballet instead of hanging out with your friends or sleeping… he’s the love of your life, dude.”  _

“i’m hanging up now. bye.”

_ “no no no wait!”  _ jaemin waits, tongue pushing at the inside of his cheek in annoyance.  _ “sorry, you know i’m just joking.” _

“yeah, it's ok, i'm not mad.” a moment passes where neither boy says anything until jaemin sighs and asks, “is it weird, though? that i’m watching him…” 

donghyuck hums.  _ “well… it depends… does he know you’re watching him?”  _

jaemin’s heart rate picks up speed when ballet boy starts doing humanly impossible leaps and twists and turns. he makes it look so easy and peaceful, even when jaemin can tell the boy’s pushing himself as hard as possible. 

_ “hello? jaemin…” _

“oh, uh, no, sorry,” jaemin clears his throat and snaps his jaw shut. “no, he doesn’t know. is that bad?”

_ “no offense… but yeah. just a little bit. you should just talk to him and tell him, though. see how he feels about it.”  _

“ok…”

_ “jaemin, are you nervous? since when have you ever been nervous about anything?”  _

“i’m not nervous… i’m just…”

_ “nervous?” _

“shut up.” 

donghyuck laughs.  _ “it’s fine to be nervous, though! you know how nervous i was to talk to mark for the first time. talking to ballet boy won’t be the end of the world.” _

“ballet boy,” jaemin chuckles. the boy runs a hand through his dark hair and pushes it off of his forehead as he catches his breath. “that’s what i call him sometimes, too.”

_ “what can i say? great minds think alike.”  _

they share a laugh until jaemin stops and says he’ll try and talk to ballet boy one day. 

“not today, though. i kinda just wanna sleep on it.” 

_ “fair enough, but if you don’t talk to him then i won’t testify on your behalf when he gets you in trouble for stalking him.” _

“i won’t get in trouble for stalking him.”

_ “that’s not what my tarot cards seem to think.” _

“bye, donghyuck, i’m hanging up now.”

_ “good luck with ballet boy! keep me updated!”  _

jaemin rolls his eyes as he ends the call and puts his phone in his jacket pocket. he never usually waits for the boy to finish practice and leave since it seems like jaemin would have to stay there all night if he did. but today, he waits. 

his leg bounces in anxiety as ballet boy just keeps on going, pushing himself to what jaemin knows has to be exhaustion. and he only stops when a woman walks into the room and starts talking to him. 

it's around 11:15 when he finally gets his things together and leaves through the front doors. 

jaemin’s breath catches in his throat when he sees the boy outside of the studio for the first time. he looks especially beautiful under the christmas lights lining the trees and buildings around them, and the way his hair gets all messed up when he pulls a huge sweater on over his practice outfit hits jaemin in the stomach like a hard punch. 

the boy holds his phone in his small hands and waits in the cold until the woman who was speaking to him comes out and locks the doors behind her. she ruffles his hair and they start walking together to where jaemin guesses is her car. 

only when the boy is gone does jaemin finally relax. he slumps back against the bench and leans his head all the way back so that he can look up at the stars. 

he thinks of dongyuck and his stupid tarot cards, the way his heart feels whenever he watches ballet boy make art out of the way his body moves… and he doesn’t know what to do besides take his chance on talking to the boy. it might make him look like a creep, but it might also lead to  _ something more _ . 

as he walks to his car, jaemin’s decides that he’ll talk to ballet boy tomorrow. he won’t let nervousness get the best of him, and he won’t be a pessimist. everything will be ok. 

 

everything is not ok, jaemin quickly decides as he watches the boy leave the studio. the woman isn’t with him today so there’s nothing stopping jaemin from talking to the boy, but still, he can’t make himself get off this bench. 

ballet boy tugs another huge sweater over his head once he’s outside, messing up his hair again, and then pulls out his phone. 

_ come on, jaemin, _ he tells himself, trying to stop being so nervous.  _ you can do this. he’s just a guy, just like you. if he thinks you’re a creep then you know to stop. simple.  _

he waits a moment, and then he’s pushing himself off the bench and crossing the street with quick strides. “oh, god,” he whispers to himself as he gets closer and closer to the boy. 

he’s much smaller in person, jaemin notices. even though he looked small from far away, he much more so up close, and jaemin loves it. he’s always liked guys smaller than him, guys he can squish and hold. 

not sure about what he should say, jaemin just goes for it.

“hey,” he tries, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. 

first, the boy’s eyes flick over to jaemin, and then his whole head turns and jaemin’s faced with the wonderful sight of ballet boy looking up at him straight on, his cheeks flushed pink from the cold and his hard practice, his dark hair a mess from his sweater. he can’t help the way he gulps. 

he doesn’t say anything, so jaemin just continues on, hoping for the best but also preparing for the worst. 

“uh… sorry if this is, like, really fucking weird… but uh…” he nervously rubs as the back of his neck as he speaks, scared of making eye contact with ballet boy but also too afraid to look away. “i’ve kinda been watching you practice? it's just been for like a week or two now, but i couldn’t help myself. you’re so good, it’s amazing... you dance so beautifully. really.” 

for a moment, neither boy speaks. jaemin stands there anxiously, expecting the worst. ballet boy stands there, still looking up at jaemin with no discernible expression. 

“sorry, i don’t mean to make you feel weird. i’ll stop if you want me to…” jaemin tells him, backing away slowly. he senses he should just leave and act like this never happened. he can move on with his life and stop obsessing over a boy he doesn’t even know. “sorry. i’ll leave now.” 

_ good going, jaemin, _ he reprimands himself as he turns and starts walking towards his car. he feels like an idiot. but then he feels a hand grab onto the sleeve of his shirt, and the cold fingers move to wrap around jaemin’s wrist. 

_ “wait,” _ the boy says, and it's the first time jaemin’s ever heard him speak so it makes goosebumps rise up on his skin. 

jaemin turns back to see ballet boy’s rosy pink cheeks turning even pinker. 

“thank you. that actually means a lot,” he says, voice soft and quiet. “i try really hard to make everything i do look beautiful.”

to jaemin, that feels like a secret being shared. from the way ballet boy says it with slow and deliberate words to the way he looks up into jaemin’s eyes almost worried. 

“well, it's working,” jaemin tells him honestly, smiling at the other boy. “you’re beautiful.” 

it happens slowly, but the corners of his mouth turn up in the smallest of smiles jaemin’s ever seen, but he still feels as if he’s won something to cherish. 

“what’s your name?” jaemin asks, feeling more confident than before. 

“renjun. and you?” 

“jaemin,” he holds his hand out with a little laugh and feels his breath catch when renjun clasps his smaller and softer hand with jaemin’s. “nice to meet you.” 

“nice to meet you, too.” 

  
  


**_MIDDLE III_ **

“so does your back hurt a lot then?” renjun asks as the two of them sit side-by-side on the bench jaemin sits on to watch renjun practice. 

they’ve started talking after renjun’s practices end because the night after they first met, renjun walked out of the studio and straight over to where jaemin was sitting with wide eyes and plopped right down. it's been about a week now. 

jaemin shakes his head. “nah, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. i can actually feel myself getting better.”

renjun hums and kicks his feet out in front of him. he’s wearing a pair of dirty high top, black vans and still somehow makes them look perfect. 

the two boys sit in comfortable silence for a while until renjun sighs and scoots closer to jaemin. they already only had a little bit of room between them, so now there’s almost nothing. 

jaemin isn’t sure what to do with that, though, because honestly he doesn’t quite understand renjun yet. from what he’s learned from being around him this past week is that he’s quiet until you get him talking about something he likes (example: ballet), he is really intense about things and jaemin can tell he thinks really hard about his words and actions, and that sometimes, even though he thinks hard about them, words fail him and he can’t articulate what he wants to. so jaemin isn’t sure what renjun wants right now. is he simply moving over on the bench or does he want to be closer to jaemin but doesn’t know how to say it or ask for it? 

“aren’t the lights pretty?” renjun asks suddenly. 

“yep, very pretty.” jaemin answers even though he could care less about the lights as he looks at renjun’s profile. his pink lips part as he looks up and his eyes shine with the lights’ reflections. jaemin thinks nothing could be prettier than renjun. 

renjun turns to jaemin, embarrassed smile on his face even though jaemin can tell he’s trying to look annoyed. “you’re not even looking at them.” 

laughing, jaemin still doesn’t look away from renjun. “you’re too pretty. i can't look away.” 

the blush on renjun’s face grows pinker at jaemin’s words and jaemin is so glad he’s never been the kind of person to second guess himself and not say what he wants to. he’s always been confident, and he’s glad for it. 

renjun groans and pushes at jaemin’s cheek with his hand to try and turn his head, but jaemin won’t budge. they laugh together as renjun tries his hardest to make jaemin look away but can’t. 

“and there i was, thinking that ballet dancers were probably stronger than me.” jaemin wraps his fingers around renjun’s wrist and moves it away from his cheek. 

renjun huffs in a pout and jaemin thinks he could die happy right here. “i am strong. you’re just stubborn.” 

“maybe so.”

they’re very close now, closer than before, and jaemin takes this opportunity to lean his face in closer. he watches the way renjun gulps at the proximity and how his eyes go wide. 

“can you really blame me for wanting to look at you all the time? who cares about pretty lights when you’re right here?” 

jaemin can’t see it, but he feels renjun’s hand moving so that their fingers are intertwined. he presses his palm flat to renjun’s and squeezes. 

“shut up,” renjun says, words betraying the way he scoots even closer and the way his eyes drop down to jaemin’s lips. 

jaemin smirks, knowing exactly what he’s doing. “why? you said so yourself, you try to make everything you do beautiful. it's working, you should be proud not embarrassed.” 

renjun rolls his eyes. “i’m not embarrassed, you’re just shameless. and i hate it.”

“no you don’t.” 

“yes i do.” 

“there’s no way you hate it, renjun. look at your cheeks,” jaemin cups renjun’s cheek in his free hand and runs his thumb over it. “you’re embarrassed. you love it.” 

renjun grins as he shoves at jaemin’s chest only for jaemin to pop right back into place, noses almost touching. 

“god, just shut up.” he says, still grinning.

jaemin uses his free hand to cup renjun’s face again and holds him there, staring straight into his eyes with a smirk.  _ “make me.” _

renjun’s eyes go wide again and jaemin hears his sharp intake of breath. 

jaemin leans in, lips barely even an inch away from renjun’s, and renjun does too. jaemin feels their lips brush and then–

_ “greeeeeeedy! you know that i’m greedy for love. oh!”  _

jaemin freezes as renjun jumps back like he’s been shocked and shuffles around for his phone. he puts it to his ear and jaemin doesn’t miss the way his hands shake or the way he sounds breathless as he talks to whoever on the phone. 

“that was my sister,” renjun says as he hangs up. jaemin smirks at the way renjun won’t meet his eyes. “uh, she said i need to come home soon since it's getting really late.” 

“ok,” jaemin says easily as his heart stops racing and he feels himself calming down. he wished they kissed, but he knows that the suspense from this interruption might make it better when they finally do one day. “i guess i should too, then.” 

“yeah,” renjun says quietly, not moving up from the bench as jaemin stands beside him.

“what’s up?” jaemin moves in front of renjun and stares down at him. and without thinking, he runs a hand through renjun’s soft hair. 

the other boy looks up at him, pupils still blown wide, and jaemin feels a bit proud that he did that. 

“i just…” he trails off and jaemin cheekily tugs at his ear. renjun laughs and swats his hand away before grabbing it in his own and tugging jaemin down so that they were face to face. he smiles at jaemin and it’s truly a breathtaking sight. 

renjun chews on his bottom lip for a second before leaning in and planting a sweet kiss on jaemin’s cheek. 

“night,” he says as he picks up his bag and phone and starts walking away. leaving jaemin there like a happy idiot. “see you tomorrow.” 

jaemin watches renjun turn the corner while touching a hand to his cheek where renjun kissed him. god, he’s obsessed. 

  
  


**_END I_ **

“you almost kissed him?!” donghyuck practically screams when jaemin tells him what happened the other night with renjun. he regretted telling him as soon as he did because he knew donghyuck would react like a maniac. “oh my god, mark, did you hear that?!” 

mark doesn’t look up from where he’s been playing fortnite on his phone for the past hour or so. “yep.”

donghyuck rolls his eyes. “no you didn’t.” 

“then why’d you ask?”

“you’re an ass and i hate you.” 

still not looking up, mark purses his lips in a sarcastic kiss. 

jaemin laughs. 

“so anyway,” donghyuck moves so he’s only looking at jaemin and places his hands on jaemin’s knees. “are you two even dating? what’s even going on? this is  _ killing  _ me!” 

“well how do you think i feel then?” jaemin asks with a laugh. there isn’t anything else he’s been thinking about ever since it happened. and he hasn’t seen him since because that was thursday and he doesn’t have physical therapy on fridays. it’s the weekend now and jaemin’s only at donghyuck’s because he wanted to  _ not  _ be thinking about renjun and him almost kissing. 

“i think you should ask him to be your boyfriend and kiss him and be all romantic and shit. i have to live vicariously through someone’s relationship since mark is a dick and it won’t be jisung or chenle because they are children.” 

jaemin chuckles. “heh, yeah. jisung won’t even think about dating until he’s like thirty anyway. nerd.” 

“if you do end up kissing him then you have to call me like immediately, ok?” 

“i’m not going to call you  _ immediately  _ after kissing renjun.” 

“it’s ok, he’ll understand… probably.” 

jaemin rolls his eyes again. “mark, how do you deal with him?”

mark snorts. “you have to deal with him more than i do since i’m at college now. ask yourself.” 

“i’m. fucking. delightful.” donghyuck says while looking like he’s two seconds away from murdering the both of them. 

 

jaemin gets done with his appointment and leaves the office. he sits down on the bench and looks over to the ballet studio only to see it empty. he feels worried and confused for a second but then he feels a tap on his shoulder and renjun is standing there, smiling down at him. 

“i thought you might want to come inside tonight?” he says sweetly. 

“definitely,” jaemin gets up and grabs renjun’s hand without even thinking. he leads them across the street and into the studio. this is all he’s ever wanted since first watching renjun. he gets to see renjun dance up close like this finally and his heart is racing. “i thought you’d never ask honestly.”

renjun shrugs his sweater off and then flattens his hair down. he’s wearing a loose white shirt and black tights and jaemin thinks he looks absolutely adorable. 

he sits down on the floor and starts putting his ballet slippers on. they’re boxed at the top and jaemin recalls renjun explaining to him why one day when he asked what they were. renjun has danced pointe since he was thirteen and it's his favorite thing. 

“i didn’t think i’d ever ask either,” renjun admits, not looking up at jaemin. “it just… i don’t know. it feels too intimate i guess.” 

“that makes sense.” jaemin tells him seriously. it's only the two of them in the practice room right now and the lights are dim since it's dark outside and renjun hasn’t turned all the lights on. it feels intimate, but jaemin doesn’t mind. 

renjun looks up at him then with an unreadable expression and then stands up and turns away. “thanks.” he says before throwing himself into practice, not seeming shy or awkward at all. 

and there’s really no reason for him to be when he’s as perfect as he is. every move he executes is beautiful, everything he does enthralls jaemin completely. he doesn't want to look away from renjun, he  _ can’t  _ look away from renjun. the way renjun stares at himself in the mirror with his dark, intense eyes makes jaemin feel electric. just watching him in his element up close like this is like watching magic happen, creation and dedication. 

so it’s not like jaemin really has any control over his body at the moment as he sat there in awe, and his jaw dropped open as he watched. 

he really didn’t even notice until renjun stopped dancing suddenly and glared at jaemin through the mirror. 

“stop looking at me like that,” renjun says. 

jaemin collects himself enough to feign innocence and mess with renjun a bit. “looking at you like what?”

“like…” renjun groans. “you know! just stop it.” 

it's so endearing to jaemin how he can tell renjun’s embarrassed yet flattered at the same time so he pushes himself up from his seat and strides over to renjun. 

he takes renjun’s smaller hands in his own and holds them gently. he wants to kiss renjun right here and now, and he definitely could if he just leaned down a little bit more. 

“renjun, i look at you like that because you’re amazing.” 

renjun is quiet as jaemin watches his cute face flush in embarrassment. and then he’s rolling his eyes and shoving at jaemin’s chest. 

“go away, jaemin.” he turns back to the mirror and makes a point not to look at jaemin’s grinning face staring at him. 

  
  


**_END II_ **

_ “you have your wallet, right?”  _ donghyuck asks jaemin through the phone.  _ “mark deadass  _ lost _ his wallet on our first date and i had to pay for everything and i'm still angry about it.”  _

“rightfully so, mark is an idiot,” jaemin says absentmindedly, knowing that this is usually an answer donghyuck accepts. “but yes, i have it.” 

_ “good. amazing. good luck.”  _

jaemin smiles even though donghyuck can’t see him. he’s too excited not to. “thanks, man.” 

they say goodbye to each other and jaemin pockets his phone just as he spots renjun rounding the corner and walking towards him. 

“i’ve only ever seen you in your ballet clothes,” jaemin comments as soon as renjun comes up to him. he takes a moment to appreciate just how nice and put together renjun looks in his dark skinny jeans, vans, and dark green button down long sleeve shirt. “you look really cute.” 

“don’t be gay,” renjun says quietly as he grabs jaemin’s hand and leads him into the art museum. 

they get inside and jaemin hopes renjun enjoys it since the only reason he asked renjun on a date here is because renjun mentioned wanting to come here so many times. 

“don’t take this the wrong way,” renjun starts as he leads jaemin through the mostly empty art museum by his hand. “i really didn’t take you for an art museum kind of person.” 

jaemin laughs and pulls renjun closer to him when they stop to look at a sculpture of something jaemin could honestly care less about. he just likes the way his chin fits perfectly in the dip of renjun’s neck and the way renjun lifts his free hand up to play with jaemin’s hair. 

“i’m really not,” he admits. “i just wanted you to enjoy what we do.” 

renjun hums and moves on to the next thing, pulling jaemin behind him. “aren’t we  _ both  _ supposed to be enjoying what we do?” 

“i don’t care what we’re doing as long as you like it.” 

“shut up.” 

jaemin backhugs renjun and squishes him in his arms until renjun starts wigging and trying to get out. 

“you’re so embarrassing,” renjun pushes jaemin away before reconnecting their hands and pulling him back. 

“you love it.” 

renjun looks over his shoulder at jaemin, smiling. “no, i really don’t,” but his actions betray his words when he tugs jaemin closer and then leans back onto his chest. “if you’re not gonna look at the art, then let me use you as something to lean against.” 

“anything for you,” jaemin winds his arms around renjun’s thin frame and holds him close. 

 

every new thing jaemin learns about renjun makes his heart feel fuller. when they get into jaemin’s car after their first date and renjun takes his phone out for them to take a selfie, jaemin asks him what his lockscreen is and renjun happily admits that it's the animated character called moomin. 

“i love moomin,” renjun admits as he opens his camera roll to show jaemin all the moomin pictures he has and even the pictures he’s drawn and painted that are moomin. 

“renjun,” jaemin’s tone is serious as he says this. he pulls out of the parking lot and can tell renjun’s snapped his head up to see what’s got jaemin serious all of a sudden. “has anyone ever told you how cute you are?” 

groaning, renjun answers, “yes, you have. at least 20 times today.” 

“really? i thought i counted at least 100.” 

“shut up,” renjun’s words trail off, each one quieter than the next. but jaemin can still tell he said something. 

“what was that?” 

renjun glares at jaemin who only grins back before looking back at the road. “i said you’re cute too.” 

“really?” jaemin asks giddily. “you think i’m cute?”

“yes, of course i do. i have eyes.” 

“what do you think is cute about me?” 

“jaemin…”

“ok, i’ll tell you what i think is cute about you then. i like your eyes and your nose and, this might sound weird, but i think your wrists are really cute. i like your hair  _ a lot _ , and i like your hands because they’re insanely soft. do you want me to go on or can it be your turn already?”

renjun is quiet for a moment and jaemin wonders if he shocked him to death with all that cheesy affection. he knows renjun is kind of weird about this stuff, but he couldn't help himself. 

“i… um…” renjun clears his throat. “i think you’re more handsome than cute actually. you’re… uh… you’re tall, and i like it.” 

jaemin can’t help the shit-eating grin on his face at renjun’s total inept ability at putting his feelings into words. 

“that’s it?” he asks. 

renjun clears his throat again and jaemin sneaks a look over at him to see the boy’s face as red as ever. 

“no… but… you know this is embarrassing for me, right?” 

jaemin reaches out for renjun’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “of course. it’s ok. i was only joking.” 

he feels renjun calming down and smiles to himself. 

when he pulls into renjun’s driveway, the two of them sit there for a moment. it's dark out and without the glow of the radio in jaemin’s car he’d barely be able to see renjun, but he leans closer anyway and asks renjun if he had a good time. 

“yes. thank you.” renjun says, sounding tense. 

jaemin scrunches his eyebrows and moves his free hand up to tuck some hair behind renjun’s ear. 

“is something wrong, renjun?” he asks. 

renjun shakes his head, but jaemin can tell something’s off by the way renjun’s avoiding his eyes. he feels that unfamiliar nervousness creep back into his body and doesn’t know what to do. 

“seriously, what’s up? are you ok?”

but then renjun groans and slumps down in jaemin’s seat and glares up at jaemin, blushing. 

“i want you to kiss me, you idiot.” 

jaemin blinks down at him. 

“jaemin,” renjun says. “did you hear me?” 

“yeah, i heard you. but i can’t kiss you down there, can i?” 

renjun rolls his eyes and sits up again, not making any moves to take initiative. jaemin chuckles. 

“come here,” jaemin says softly as he takes hold of renjun’s jaw in his hand, turning the other boy’s face towards him. 

renjun looks into jaemin’s eyes before looking down to his lips and jaemin closes the distance between them, finally being able to kiss the boy he’s been dying to. and it's every bit as jaemin hoped and dreamed it would be. 

jaemin moves his hand from renjun’s jaw and onto the back of his neck, playing with the hair there. and renjun presses one of his palms to jaemin’s chest as he tilts his head and kisses jaemin like he’s done it a thousand times before, so familiar and sweet. 

they only break apart when they need air, but even then renjun still keeps his lips just slightly pressed to jaemin’s. 

“i have to go inside now,” renjun says and his words vibrate against jaemin’s mouth. 

“but do you want to?”

renjun shakes his head. “no. i want to stay here with you.” 

“good.” 

they kiss again, and again, and again. 

then renjun pulls away and puts actual distance between them. “really. i have to go in now.” 

jaemin kisses renjun’s cheek before sitting back in his seat and placing his hands on the steering wheel. “go then. i’ll see you monday, yeah?” 

renjun nods. “but you’ll call me tonight, right?”

“definitely. and tomorrow and monday.” 

“and all the days after that?”

“and all the days after that.” 

renjun grins at him, full on and real. jaemin feels as if he’s unlocked the world’s hidden treasure. 

he leans over and kisses jaemin one more time before getting out of the car and walking inside his house. 

jaemin sits there for a minute or two, just too happy to even think. he likes renjun so much, too much probably, and he wants to make renjun sure of his love for however long he can. 

when he gets back to his own house and checks his phone, there’s a text from renjun saying,  _ uhh my parents and sister saw us kissing and now they want to meet you and like id rather die but they want you to come over for dinner some time.  _ jaemin laughs down at his phone and lies to his mom when she asks what he’s laughing at. he’ll tell her later because right now there’s more pressing matters at hand. 

_ “hey,”  _ renjun’s voice sounds soft and cute over the phone, just like real life, but jaemin still melts.  _ “my parents won’t shut up about you and it's annoying.”  _

“well i’ll just have to meet them then,” jaemin says back, grinning. 

_ “yeah, i guess… oh! when you come over i can show you my moomin collection!”  _

“i’d be absolutely  _ honored _ .” 

renjun giggles. and then quieter, he says,  _ “i’m only gonna show it to you because i like you so much.”  _

a thousand cute thoughts fly through jaemin’s head at that like how perfect and adorable renjun is and how jaemin wishes he was there with renjun right now to kiss and hold him again. 

about an hour or two later they say goodnight and goodbye to each other and jaemin hangs up the phone, feeling happier than he’s ever felt before. 

jaemin goes to sleep thinking about renjun’s hand in his and the weight of him leaning against his chest. 


End file.
